running through life...!

running through life...!

Sunday, March 20, 2011

EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED...

                                                        EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED



                                       The worst part of being in a med school is that life becomes exceedingly boring and monotonous. Especially  in final year , when we have to follow this super duper boring schedule of lecture-posting- and infinite library hours... This pathetic little charade is all the more difficult when you are a hostelite. So, you can  probably understand my state of mind when everything was just too much and I couldnt concentrate on anything that was going around. So in that desperation, I decieded to take a little break and make some space for the rest of the final year that is gonna come. It was supposed to be a cleche` train journey which I've been doing since last 3 n a half yrs, but GOD had other plans...
                                         It is so irritating when you think you know everything there is to know about something and then you suddenly realise that, "O.K, Is it like this? I didnt know that...!!!"
 After 3 n a half yrs of travelling alone and all that reservation crap, I thought I cannot possibly make a mistake in this. I mean, come on yaar, how hard is it?? It was only after I boarded the  train that I realised, an e-ticket that is not confirmed is considered invalid and the passenger is taken as travelling without ticket!! I know I know YOU must be thinking how dumb I am and I accept it dude, but  it was the first time that I was travelling on an e-ticket. This hectic final yr schedule made it impossible for me to stand in that long reserv line patiently and get get a ticket. But seriously, I took that ticket 3 weeks ago, my name was just 4th on the waiting list. I thought it will be confirmed by this time. I was the stupidest person alive on earth, to board that train without even checking conformation.
                                              So, I was sitting there, waiting for the  TC to tell me where my seat is, (so ironic, that a ticketless passenger is waiting for the TC!!!!) and when he actually came, that person gave me the shock of my life by asking me to get down on the next station coz apparently, I was without ticket. I am like, " Excuse me, I have paid 900 bucks for  this ticket, the ticket is in my hand, how can you say that I am without ticket??" Obviously I was still living in some dream world of my own, completely oblivious to the fact that my fellow passengers were actually concerned with my foolishness.
                                             Now that the TC had  asked me to get down on the next station, I was starting to panic a little bit. It took a full 5 min for that info to sink in. People nearby started giving me all sorts of horrible options which I couldnt even think of accepting. I was almost in tears, thinking what to do, where to go, whom to call, when I suddenly remembered my conversation witha senoir that morning. While speaking, as a matter of fact, I told him that I am leaving for home today. He said,"you know what?? Even I am going to your hometown  today itself." I was like, so surprised and asked just out of curiosity, "For what?" He said, " I am accopanying a friend of mine. Even he lives there." (he will actually kill me if I write for what they were going..!!!)
                                               Both of them had reservations on another train which left 1 hr after my train left and, the route of the train was the same. I just frantically searched for his number and called him, "Hello?? please tell me you are in that train.." I quickly told him whatever drama was  happening with me. He replied in a stuttering voice, "Actually, the thing is, I got late and I missed the train."
  Perfect!!! That small little ray of hope I had of getting down on a station and boarding another train was washed out in an instant. I mean these were actually two poles apart in a spectrum of foolishness. At one end I am the one without reservation boarding a train and at the other end was this frnd who had confirm reserv but still missed the train!!! I mean how hilarious is that?? I was actually stunned for a moment, I thought I've forgotten how to string two words together to make a sentence. Just then, my frnd said, "Hello?? are you there?? Listen, that friend of mine, whom I was supposed to accompany has infact boarded the train and he has both our reservations. You can get down on the next station and board his train." This was actually music to my ears. I took that  third person's ph no. frm my frnd and was just debating what to do coz even if I did get down on the station, the fact still remained that I had to wait on a lonely platform, alone for 45 min, at 10 pm in night. That thought sent shivers down my spine. But apparently, I had no other option but to call him And it seemed quite awkward, asking for a favour from a stranger. It was all extremely inappropriatebut I called him anyways. I introduced myself and said, "Is it O.K if I get down on the station and board your train?" ( not that I had any option but still, courtesy demands...) But I must say, that conversation really relived my tension to some extent. He said, " ya, no problem, get down on the station, dont panic, just stay calm and I'll see to everything else."
                                         So then, I got down on that wierd station, not knowing what to do, with people staring at me. I called up a friend of mine and asked her to keep speaking to me. That was the only way I could've prevented myself from going into a panic attack. Coz my parents were freaked out, calling every 10 min, my frnd was freaked out and well, I was so emotionally numbed that I failed to react to such a situation if you can imagine.
                                         Finally after 45 min, that train arrived and I suddenly realised, dude, how am I gonna recognise this person?? I hav never seen him in my entire life... The train stopped and I was staring into nothingness... an ocean of people and not a single familiar face around. In that moment I understood the gravity of the situation I was facing. I called up this person to ask where exactly he was and just then, I saw someone waving at me. For a moment, I looked at him and thought_ wow, actually someone knows me here. This is like, Divine Intervention.( now I think of it, I forgot to ask him how he recognised me.)  Very elegantly, this person came upto me and asked me, "Hello... How are you?'' I was  like, dude, I was practically stranded on this stupid platform for last 45 min... how should I be??? But then again, courtesy demands- to be polite. I said, " I am fine, thanks." Like a gentleman, he helped me carry my luggage in the train. We setteled down. I had to make quite a few ph calls to freaked out people to tell them I was actually inside a train once again. He asked me, "Dd you have your dinner??" Then I realised I hadnt eaten anything since afternoon. Not that I was hungry or anything, this action packed evening was enough to give me an adrenaline rush. I couldnt even remotely think of food. Again, very sweetly, he pulled out a dairy milk from his bag and gave it to me. Even in all those bizzare turn of events, I couldnt help but notice that the guy was actually very cute.
                                                            Then when I was finally calm and quite, we started speaking. Just random  stuff. How come I know his frnd and about my coollege and his work and basically everything under the sun. Such an easy going personality he was. After a couple of hours we decided to call it a day. He went back to sleep nd I was too mesmerised at my luck to fall asleep. All the events of that day kept flashing in my head . I couldnt even imagine what I would've done if this person was not in this train right now. This was actually such a filmy co-incidence. I mean, when I thought of it retrospectively, me boarding a train(app without ticket), by chance meeting my friend in college, telling him that I was going home, both of them deciding to go that day itself, same place as me, then worst of all, my friend missing the train... I mean....... this happens only in movies... Finally I fell asleep out of sheer physical tiredness. I woke up after a couple of hrs  and realised that its still a long way for our destination to come. I couldnt sleep after that.
                                                                    I actually thought of waking up that person coz I was getting so bored but again, you cannot violate anyone's personal space especially when you've met that person just 5-6 hrs back! So I listened to songs on my i-pod, n watched as the stations went by...
 After an eternity, this fellow wakes up and I suddenly realise that our journey is gonna end in half an hr or so. I was kinda feeling wierd but we always board a train to reach somewhere and we have to get down when the station comes:)   I was requesting, rather pleading to him to take the reservation money but he kept saying no. Then finally, when we got down on the station, very smartly this fellow says to me, " You might repay me the monetary cost of that reservation which I gave you last night, but can you tell me, what was the value o me, being in that train on that particular day and helping you out ??"
                                                                     I was again speechless. I know you cannot repay such favours with money. I consider myself extraordinarily lucky to have found this guy on train that day and the fact that I found a friend for lifetime..:) But I do hope that I get a chance to repay the favour....



                                                                           thats it folks............. i never thought something like this will happen to me but it did..........! life always has something interesting up its sleeve........ never underestimate destiny........

Sunday, March 13, 2011

CHANGE...

                                                           CHANGE...




                                        I really wonder how to go about this but after many half written, discarded articles and after wasting  loads of papers I  have come to a conclusion that its about time I  write whatever is  actually going on in my  cranial vault rather than make up fantasy tales. So, here we go---
                                          Every  human being wants to be loved , wants to be appreciated and wishes that someone should care for him. That is like, the basic human instinct. Inherently, we have  this uncanny urge to feel protected all the time. Mentally, physically, financially...  Right from the day we were born, we cry out to be the centre of attraction and appreciation  for  everyone ( O.K, I know the baby has to cry to take his first breath- overdose of Gynaec posting, seriously....! )
                                          Anyway, the point is, we all are by default attention seekers. Have you ever noticed, when there are kids around and if nobody speaks to them for a while, they start howling, or shouting or asking stupid questions, till we acknowledge them. Now, lets not get into what their adult counterparts do ! I guess we are all well versed with what attention seekers do in a not so subtle way. Coming from a very openminded and sort of a modern amily, I was always allowed to choose my own path in pretty much everything in life. Since time immemorial, I have taken all my decisions single handedly. I kindof wish now that I should've taken a bit more time to grow up. Now that I see everyone potraying themselves as confused and weak and doubtful and getting all the help they need readily, I seriously wonder is the way I've been living, really the right way to go about it. I mean, I literally thrive on the saying 'live and let live'... rarely interested in whats going on around me and what everybody else is doing and  least interested in 'following the crowd' so as to say. Hesitency and Confusion are really not my companions but I do feel life would've  been so much different ( for better or for worse ) if I would've decieded to take some advice and not be adamant on my own rigid  ideas.
                                         But now I guess its too late coz usually people like me have this tag on us that says-- 'Independent, untouchable, Unapproachable and Having a chip on our shoulder(attitude problem) !! I mean this is f*****g  crazy!!! Yet true, unfortunately. It usually  goes like -- 'Oh!! she, dont worry about her, she'll take care of herself, she'll manage. People literally take it  for granted that I cannot possibly have any problems or confusion what so ever. As if I have overcome all these primitive desires of human beings. Sometimes even I agree with them. Can you beat that???
                                              Anyway, people say whatever you do in life, you should not have any regrets. That is when you can move forward without any baggage. Unfortunately I have a lot of it.... I do have a lot of regrets... lots of people whom I wanted to talk to but couldnt, because of my apprehension, lots of situations, where I think I shoud've behaved differently, should've taken  a second opinion (coz the first one is always mine ! ) and invariably a lot of  unspoken, theoretical thoughts which I failed to put into practice.
                                             I know I've realised it a bit too late in life but never mind. I am trying to be receptive and reciprocate. Now that I am actually thinking about changing this scenario ( Mind you, still 'thinking'....) , isnt it tiring, to ask 10 people about the same thing, take everyone's opinion and again think about it, wasting double the amount of time???
                                                Worst is,   Most of the people around me are like-- You do what you want to do, when I ask them about something. Its like, so irritating, if I want to do what I want to do, I wouldnt've asked you na............. Plus, isnt it much easier to just stay invisible and keep living like that, instead of attracting a truck load of attention and be judged by people  who are as immaterial to you as corruption is to our politicians?? Easier for everyone right??
 O.K, I guess I am back to sqare one- where I started :) How much further I am goin  to debate on this issue I do not know........ but I guess, it must feel divine to be like a child once again........ confused, attention seeking and curious all the time....!!!



                                                                            O.k then, till next time, c ya...... take care.:)
                                                                             hope to write soon.......