running through life...!

running through life...!

Sunday, March 13, 2011

CHANGE...

                                                           CHANGE...




                                        I really wonder how to go about this but after many half written, discarded articles and after wasting  loads of papers I  have come to a conclusion that its about time I  write whatever is  actually going on in my  cranial vault rather than make up fantasy tales. So, here we go---
                                          Every  human being wants to be loved , wants to be appreciated and wishes that someone should care for him. That is like, the basic human instinct. Inherently, we have  this uncanny urge to feel protected all the time. Mentally, physically, financially...  Right from the day we were born, we cry out to be the centre of attraction and appreciation  for  everyone ( O.K, I know the baby has to cry to take his first breath- overdose of Gynaec posting, seriously....! )
                                          Anyway, the point is, we all are by default attention seekers. Have you ever noticed, when there are kids around and if nobody speaks to them for a while, they start howling, or shouting or asking stupid questions, till we acknowledge them. Now, lets not get into what their adult counterparts do ! I guess we are all well versed with what attention seekers do in a not so subtle way. Coming from a very openminded and sort of a modern amily, I was always allowed to choose my own path in pretty much everything in life. Since time immemorial, I have taken all my decisions single handedly. I kindof wish now that I should've taken a bit more time to grow up. Now that I see everyone potraying themselves as confused and weak and doubtful and getting all the help they need readily, I seriously wonder is the way I've been living, really the right way to go about it. I mean, I literally thrive on the saying 'live and let live'... rarely interested in whats going on around me and what everybody else is doing and  least interested in 'following the crowd' so as to say. Hesitency and Confusion are really not my companions but I do feel life would've  been so much different ( for better or for worse ) if I would've decieded to take some advice and not be adamant on my own rigid  ideas.
                                         But now I guess its too late coz usually people like me have this tag on us that says-- 'Independent, untouchable, Unapproachable and Having a chip on our shoulder(attitude problem) !! I mean this is f*****g  crazy!!! Yet true, unfortunately. It usually  goes like -- 'Oh!! she, dont worry about her, she'll take care of herself, she'll manage. People literally take it  for granted that I cannot possibly have any problems or confusion what so ever. As if I have overcome all these primitive desires of human beings. Sometimes even I agree with them. Can you beat that???
                                              Anyway, people say whatever you do in life, you should not have any regrets. That is when you can move forward without any baggage. Unfortunately I have a lot of it.... I do have a lot of regrets... lots of people whom I wanted to talk to but couldnt, because of my apprehension, lots of situations, where I think I shoud've behaved differently, should've taken  a second opinion (coz the first one is always mine ! ) and invariably a lot of  unspoken, theoretical thoughts which I failed to put into practice.
                                             I know I've realised it a bit too late in life but never mind. I am trying to be receptive and reciprocate. Now that I am actually thinking about changing this scenario ( Mind you, still 'thinking'....) , isnt it tiring, to ask 10 people about the same thing, take everyone's opinion and again think about it, wasting double the amount of time???
                                                Worst is,   Most of the people around me are like-- You do what you want to do, when I ask them about something. Its like, so irritating, if I want to do what I want to do, I wouldnt've asked you na............. Plus, isnt it much easier to just stay invisible and keep living like that, instead of attracting a truck load of attention and be judged by people  who are as immaterial to you as corruption is to our politicians?? Easier for everyone right??
 O.K, I guess I am back to sqare one- where I started :) How much further I am goin  to debate on this issue I do not know........ but I guess, it must feel divine to be like a child once again........ confused, attention seeking and curious all the time....!!!



                                                                            O.k then, till next time, c ya...... take care.:)
                                                                             hope to write soon.......

5 comments:

dinesh said...

cool lakshmi

ankit said...

Killer!!! you nailed it lady.
There was more than one occasion where i felt "hey, that happens with me". receptive and reciprocate line was nice.I thought i had no regrets but when i read that line i thought for a moment and i realized there are somethings that i regret as well, all this while i forced myself in believing that i had no regrets 'cos everyone loves to believe so and that not being able to talk to ppl whom i like is one of the biggest ones.

Oh Btw, I write fantasy stuff ;)
-Ankit

Ganesha said...

nice but somewhat confusing!
read twice and then got what u wanna to say! nice flow of thoughts! Good Laxmi! really appreciable!!

ankita said...

finally read it!! nice one :)

lakshmi said...

Hey, thanks a lot people for such a great response... I really appreciate it...:)