THE FEAR FACTOR

  

                                              As a child, we all fear dark places because we were told as children, that monsters are hiding in those dark places. As we grow up, the definition of monster changes and there are other things that we are afraid of- uncertainty, self doubt and the fear of failure. Instead of going away, our fears grow with us. These are the fears that forbid us from doing what we are supposed to do. The fear of rejection, fear of ending up being a just another person...and eventually melting into nothingness. Our actions are most of the times a result of our fears rather than mere acts of judgement. 

                               

                                              How many times have we done  something because we really wanted to do it as in, unconditionally..? It rarely happens that we act upon something because we really believe in it. What will people say if i don't do this..? What will my friends say if I don't do this..?? I wont be accepted in my friend circle if I fail to do this...all these and many more such insecurities are the reason behind our actions. Its not entirely wrong, because that is what makes us a social animal. Our fears define us, our personality, and our decisions, which have a direct impact on our lives.

                                                   

                                                When you look back, in the rear view mirror, you see so many tears, worries and sleepless nights caused by things that don't even matter anymore and you find yourself wondering- why did I waste so much time and energy fearing about all those trivial things. Thousands of things that you fret and worry about mend themselves....we always live in the fear, what if this happens..? Eventually...most of the times..it does not happen, because life can be pleasantly unpredictable sometimes.

                                          When you look in the side mirror, a super fast car passes by and shakes you just for a moment...and it is way ahead before you even know it. The important thing here is to focus on the road ahead and not get distracted by such racing wheels, because life is indeed a journey to the destination unknown. Same is the case with people and their judgements about us....they come and are past tense before we can even think about them properly.

                                             All this said and done....If all of us are supposed to learn from our mistakes, why the hell am i not learning...?? And if TIME is supposed to heal everything, why am I not healing...??? Well maybe, as the famous dialogue from HOUSE goes- Time does not change anything...we have to do it.

                                           After all these years, when we are grown up, we are no more afraid of the dark...because eventually, we find ourselves alone in that dark, and the monsters are within us.

                                              

BEING IN LOVE

                           This piece was long overdue, but such is life friends… It might not be wrong to say that I just got a glimpse of what my life is going to be for the next 3 years and believe me, I have a gut feeling its going to be a lot worse than that.

                            There are many questions in life which do not have a particular and accurate answer, which make you feel absolutely clean bowled, and you keep on wondering where did the ball come from and how the hell did it hit the wicket. Well, one of many such questions is the quintessential cliché , to which nobody until now has been able to answer appropriately-    How do you know you are in  LOVE ?

                            A lot of great people have not been able to come  to a conclusion as to what it really is, so I am not even going to try.  In fact, the last time someone asked me that question, my answer was-

‘You know its love when all the songs make sense !’

                              Maybe its when someone’s presence is as essential as the air you breathe in or the food that you eat. Maybe when your hypothalamus just forgets to send you the much needed hunger signals because it is so clearly preoccupied in thinking about something else. Maybe its when you feel that the compliments of a thousand people are worthless until you get that one nod of appreciation from somebody.  But you know what, I think it is all these things and much more.

                                I am not a great believer in love at first sight. I know many people would beg to differ but according to me, the whole point of loving someone is to love yourself in the context of that person. You start looking at yourself differently. You suddenly come across that side of your personality which was hidden somewhere.  A side which is willing to take risks, willing to lose anything and everything for someone’s sake. For a sane person, it might seem absurd but its perfectly logical for a peson in love to confess to someone that ‘I cannot function without you. My life comes to a standstill without you.’ It takes immense courage to be able to say to a person that you are their only ray of hope for surviving in this ruthless game called life. And believe me people, you can never say that to a person whom you don’t trust or whom you don’t know.

                                    Howmuchever I think about it, I have never been able to understand how people love logically. Because as far as I know, where love is concerned, all practicality, rationality and logic goes out of the window. It is just pure impulse. No logic, no calculations. Love is definitely not their cup of tea for people who are caught up in their own egos, self respect and dignity. You just have to waive aside all these things for the time being to be able to really experience the purity of that emotion.

                                   I don’t know why people booze and do drugs. Fall in love instead….! Not necessarily with a person. Books, music, cricket, dancing, painting….Love something or someone….make it your passion, be obsessed about it. Believe me, it gives you such a high, which is incomparable to any drug on this earth. The timing is never right, you have to make it perfect.

                                 Hope you all find something or someone to love…

Best of luck…!!!                                 

                                          Hope to write soon again,

                                             Good bye, take care,

                                                LAKSHMI…

                                          That Thing called  LIFE...


                                  I was  looking forward to my first air journey since quite a few days. Everything was planned weeks prior, but my nervousness refused to die down. Not that I have a fear of heights or something; I guess it was just a fear of the untreaded path. I can very well adapt to unfamiliar conditions but 'been there, done that' kind of situations are always favourable. Plus the fact that I was travelling alone made things much more miserable. I didnt even have anybody to see me off at the airport. I missed my Dad so much that day. I am so used to him being around all the time whenever I am leaving town, I just cannot picture myself departing without him. Thankfully I was expecting quite a welcome party at my arrival so that was a comforting thought.
                                      So with a mixture of nervousness, excitement and a funny feeling in the stomach, I entered the airport. The rest of the boarding procedure was quite simple actually. My only concern was not to get myself into any nasty mess. As you all might be aware by now, I have quite a reputation as a trouble magnet, especially when I am travelling alone and I was in no mood to create more hurdles for myself. It was quite an achievement when I successfully sat in the right plane, on the right seat and at the right time and most importantly...without making a fool of myself or creating a big drama. This might seem like a child's play but believe me, I have immense capacity of transforming seemingly effortless tasks into an entangled mess for myself.
                                   Anyways, the real fun started when the flight was about to take off. There was a funny sensation in my stomach as well as my ears which was probably because of the rising altitude but all rationality goes out of the window when you are shit scared and that too alone. In that spur of a moment I had the craziest, stupidest and the most childish thought of my life. What if this plane crashes and I die today ? I know it was dumb and limitlessly insane of me to think something like that but my imagination is pretty wild and it just aggravated my anxiety even more.
                                  Seriously people, have you ever thought what if God forbid, something like this happens...? The moment that thought appeared in my mind I realised, we take our own lives so much for granted. I mean, we never really appreciate the importance of something/somebody until they are no longer a part of our lives. We never really understand the value of life until we get a scare that we could lose it any moment. That crazy moment made me realise out of the blue that there is so much I want to do before I die. Apart from achieving the stereotypical professional and the whole 'get married and settle down' kind of goals, I am sure everybody has their own 'To Do' list. Things just started popping up in my mind -- Oh God..! I havent  finished the last season of Friends, I havent   met my school friend since 6 years I promised her we'll definitely meet this time when I come home, I would love to go on a bike ride at 2 am in the night, I would love to walk barefoot on a beach while its raining...!!  I want to step outside for the whole day without knowing where to go....sit in a random bus and spontaneously get down on whichever stop amuses me... I havent even said 'I love you' to my mom... Can you beat that...?? So many questions unanswered and so many answers to which nobady has ever asked me any questions....
                                       We always end up thinking what if... I had done that instead of this... life would've been so much different, what if I had taken this decision or said this to someone or what if I hadnt said this to somebody ? Maybe Life would've been better. We lose ourselves into all the possible 'ifs', 'buts', and 'maybe'  but what we forget is life is supposed to be unpredictable, unexpected and constantly changing. That is the very definition of life. But the most important thing that defines our life is what we really want.
                                      I was jolted back to my senses by the pilot announcing that we were preparing to land shortly. That was literally music to my ears. I just wanted to get out of that aircraft as soon as possible. You have no idea how happy I was to see those  familiar faces amidst the sea of unknown strangers, when I finally arrived outside the airport. It again made me realise that I wouldnt have been able to see all these people if that crazy imagination of mine had come true.
                                     Anyways, the  point is, I had just realised how precious life is...and what a waste of time it is to regret about the past and worry about the future when we have the present in front of us- right here, right now. Get inspired by someone/something or do something worth inspiring others. Leave something in someone's life for which that person will remember you throughout his/her life...in a good way ofcourse..!!
Thank God for this gift everyday and use this incomparable opportunity to make yours as well as other's lives a bit more bearable and everything that you always wanted will follow, you dont need to ask for anything. But its equally important not to show self neglect to the point of self denial in this process. Because you are just as important as everyone else in your life is and also because its a hell of a task to discover yourself again in that mess.  Do something on which your grandchildren will laugh someday and say... 'I have a really cool Grandma/Grandpa'.  Life is too short and moreover, its never the same it was yesterday. We might not be in the right frame of mind tommorow to do something what we always wanted to do, so you might as well do it when you are.
                               My 'To Do' list will always be a never ending one coz I keep adding new things to do even before I have a chance to cross off something as done. The fact that my list was censored (for obvious reasons) is gonna make it a bit more difficult to accomplish...if you know what I mean...!!! But believe me, I am not going to leave any stone unturned... will try whatever it takes to accomplish it....
                               So, go ahead and make that list right now and work on it... while the sun is still shining. I am off to completing mine...
See you next time...Hopefully soon....and with some crazy stuff to share...
Have a Happening LIFE...!!!


                                                                                               Good luck with ur list..!!
                                                                                               Good Bye......:)
                                                                                               Take care....

                     LOST AND FOUND...

                                  It was just one of those days... When nothing was going right. I am sure all of us, at some point of time go through this when it feels as if, the whole world is conspiring against us, trying with all their worth to make our life miserable and bad to worse. You reach just a couple of minutes late and you miss the bus, your boss fires you for no reason, your friends seem to be unusually busy with their own lives, you lose your wallet with all the possible cards inside, your boyfriend/girlfriend...well, I better not get into that... I am so prejudiced right now. The point is, the world just seems unfair.

                                    Its O.K to get these days once in a while but when these happen in an unusual succesion, then you seriously start questioning your own beliefs. And belive me, Exams are just a cherry on top. How can somebody judge you when you yourself are in such a miserable state of mind. That friends is a perfect recipe for disaster.

                                     Anyways, after facing the anxiety, anticipation and disappointment and living in no man's land for the last four months, I finally decided to take matters in my own hands and address some serious issues which I had been putting off since long. Maybe I was afraid to face them or maybe because I was afraid to accept the fact that I could ever be stuck in such a pathetic situation in life. So I decided to take a walk. There was a void inside me, a vaccum and I just could'nt figure out what I had lost.

There are four stages of coming to terms with the reality.....whatever that might be- Denial, Anger, Grief and lastly Acceptance.

                                         I guess all the terms are self explainatory and I am damn sure each of us is at some stage or the other at this very moment. I was finally on the terminal stage and it was about time I searched a cause for my despair. When I think retrospectively, I realise that all these seemingly tedious and apparently overwhelming problems were present since time immemorial and life was still going on. So what has really changed ? And then it struck me, out of the bluemoon, in that eureka moment I realised that it was not the world that was becoming worse to live in, it was me who was becoming incapable of fighting the odds, swimming against the tide, making things happen. That void inside me once contained the passion to live life which I seem to have lost in the recent past.  Just because we face failure in one little square of life, we let the negativity percolate into other squares as well. We let such petty things screw us up when we would've been able to handle them so easily prior to giving in to such negativism. Life is an active  process and the problem starts when we turn passive and let things happen to us instead of making things happen.

                                      There is an altogether different kind of charm to people who live with a passion in life. They love everything they do. Their heart is in the right place. They have the power to turn destiny around and take adversity in its face. This is what sets them apart from common people like us. Their succes is effortless, one of its kind. If we look at all the successful poeple in their respective fields, we'll realise that even after all these years of being successful, they still have that passion of improving themselves and making life more meaningful. A cricketer should always have that same spark in his eyes that he had when he made his debut, a lawyer should always be delighted to see a courtroom full of people, a couple should always love each other the same way when they first realised they love each other and a doctor should treat each and every patient of his with the same zest he had when he first entered the gates of a medschool.

                                            There will be days when you wake up in the morning, hoping that atleast this day will be better than yesterday, with a firm belief that nothing worse can possibly happen now and by the time you go to bed, life shows you just how much can go wrong and how much you have to lose. But inspite of all this, you must believe you can do this. It doesnt matter how often you have failed in the past, what matters is focusing on what you want and taking consistent action towards it. Learn to put a smile on your face and give it all you have. Because believe it or not people, this world does not have any place for the emotionally dead. You will eventually be replaced by someone who chose to live passionately.

                                            I know its easier said than done and some events alter you as a person-- emotionally and psychologically. Some part of you just dies when life unexpectedly brings your way the harsh reality of this world. We can never be the same again, that side of our personality is lost forever. But believe me, we have no option but to gather ourselves  up , pick up the broken pieces and start all over again. Because the worst reality of all is that Life goes on... It is equally true that you cannot pretend to be happy all the time, especially in front of poeple who know you well but you can just hope that someday, the pretending will become your habit and then your nature and maybe, just maybe you will be able to forget what altered you.

                                           Its not easy to differentiate the squares of life, but pretending is atleast better than not trying at all. There is no alternate way to live life or rather should I say, a fruitful life. We cannot be on the plateau of excitement forever but its not fair to be on the nadir of depression either. Life deserves a second chance, even though it doesnt give us any. Just try to eternally ride the crest of an optimistic wave and hope that life brings our way something beautiful and worth cherishing. Life cannot exist without hope. Whatever you do, never lose that baby... coz its going to see you through the toughest of times.

So, just take a walk and hope for the best...!

Stop existing and start living.

                                                                           GOOD  LUCK...

                                                                            Take care.

                                   The  Forbidden  Fruit

                            Have you ever wondered why doing things we are not supposed to do gives us so much pleasure? Visiting places we are not supposed to go, eating things we are not supposed to eat or talking to people we are not supposed to talk. All these things encompass a totally different world called the forbidden planet. It gives us this sadistic pleasure to break rules, to defy authority, to do something unusual, unthinkable, unimaginable. There is an adrenaline rush, everytime we do something that we  know shouldnt be done.

                             Maybe thats why Harry Potter's deadliest and most thrilling adventures took place in the Forbidden Forest. That is why drinking and driving is such a rage and most vehicles are parked in the no parking zone. Probably thats the exact reason why the initial part of relationships are so exciting and  memorable. Its like - You have a world of your own, which is out  of everyone's reach and people can just speculate and guess. Sneaking out of the house under the pretext of meeting friends, the lies about the extra classes, those awkward glances, eyefights, stolen kisses, hoping that nobody noticed.... Believe me, that High is by no means reproduceble by any amount of narcotics..!

                             The forbidden world takes a different meaning altogether in college life, especially when exams are sitting on your head. It is a time when everything else except studying is forbidden and that is exactly why we have a craving of doing everything other than studies. Living in a fantasy world, with hypothetical situations, unrealistic characters and daydreaming about the most pathetic of circumstances is a strict no-no , even without exams, let alone on the day of the exam. But yes, you guessed it right, I end up doing exactly that... (please, please someone tell me you also do that or else I'll die of shame...! ) I guess there is a heightened sense of mental awareness which makes us so vulnerable and think of all that stuff. Whatever it is....anyways, the point is, its not supposed to be done.

                                There is another side to all this forbidden funda... Agreed that it is fun to go against the rules, break laws and defy authorities but what if you yourself are the authority. How difficult or for that matter how easy is it, to give in to the temptations....? You see a beautiful dress in the shop... you know its perfect for you,its exactly what you wanted since ages.......but you cant afford it. You meet a random person in life...you know he is not going to be there forever, he is not even compatible with you...he is someone else's boyfriend, he likes someone else, you know you are not supposed to fall in love..... but can we prevent it completely?? Even if we do control the temptation, the chances of living in regret of not buying that dress or not conveying your feelings to that person are pretty high.

                               People say that life is all about making the right choices at the right time. I say, its all about having that tad bit of extra self control and not giving in to such petty temptations that life will always bring our way. Believe me, it takes real strength of character to say no, and more so, to move on in life rather than sitting and brooding over the fact wondering whether you made the right coice or not. Because you know what, you will never know unless you move on and live life to the fullest. Life cannot be lived backwards...and this is a rule no one can defy... Do not sit and regret over those decisions, instead, be proud of yourself that you didnt give in to the temptations.....coz you know what, loads are coming your way... its your choice which ones to succumb to.

               Finally, as the tag line goes....... CHOOSE WISELY, LIVE WELL...!

                                                                                       Good luck folks,

                                                                                        Take care.

FOR A REASON OR A LIFETIME...

                          After breaking my head over what I've written and after thinking about it for what seemed like an eternity, I am finally able to clear the mindblock and actually write something. I guess I'll be the first and the only person to contradict her own writing. Anyways... so, here we go...

                            I sincerely believe we are made by the people we meet in this beautiful journey of life. A lot of people have an intangible influence over our life, our decisions and our personality. Everybody lives. But what determines the quality of life we live, are the people surrounding us. Not neccesarily they have to be related to us or we have to be friends with them. Even a person as remote as the bus conductor we meet everyday or the person who sits next to you in class or your bookshop vendor who somehow remembers all your likes and dislikes in terms of literature, touch your life knowingly or unknowingly. There is great comfort in finding all the usual people in there usual places.

                             If this is the case with such apparently insignificant people then you can imagine the influence of people who are or were a part of your life by your own choice. Friends, girlfriends, boyfriens, ex, current and so on.... Invariably most of us have a bad memory or sadness surrounding that person when he/she leaves us. Howmuchever difficult it seems to maintain co-ordial relations with your 'so called' ex, believe me, its not  impossible. Ofcourse  the circumstances under which the seperation took place is most often the deciding factor but more often than not, there is always some awkwardness when life decides to cross our paths again. Why cant we just accept the simple fact that people evolve, relatinships evolve and we are bound to grow out of certain phases in our lives.

                             I have a firm belief that each and every person we meet in life has a definite purpose, whether he comes for a reason or a lifetime. We may not see it at the onset but when we think retrospectively, it all fits. Its like reinforcing the saying that- "whatever happens, happens for the good."

And like I had said the last time, its human nature to get used to this, to go into the comfort zone. The real problem starts  when we have to deal with the change, the seperation, the substitution. But agai, Life has to be lived dynamically. IF you manage to find  a person who is willing to evolve with you and stay with you for a lifetime, well then, nothing like it. You are certainly the world"s luckiest person !! But that doesnt mean you can underestimate the value of people who are temporarily a part of your life. Some people are lucky enough to convert the reason inti a LIFETIME.. :)

                                   Never ever fail to acknowledge the fact that life would not have been the same had you not met that person. For the fear of uncertain future, why spoil this beautiful present ? Its O.K to get addicted to someone once in a while. Bloody hell, deal with your addiction later. Live in the moment. Life is happening.... Right here... right now... Make the most of it.

                                     All that said and done, th best part of  humans - the uniqueness with which we all try to make a mark in this world is what sets us apart. Nobody and I mean absolutely nabody in our lives can be replaced. However cleche` it may sound but we truly dont understand the value of someone untill one fine day that person is not a part of our lives. And unfortunately, it is too late by the time we realise it. So, I guess it is a good idea to let someone know how much you value him/her in your life, how glad you are that your paths crossed, how quintessentially thankful you are to GOD for this creation of His, who made some part of your miserable life just a tad bit bearabe.

                                    Its O.K to lower your threshold just a bit and taste the sweet lure of addiction. After all, its your life and it rarely gives a second chance. So friends, grab it with both hands-- But do make sure that the person is worth it.

                                                                                            Thats all for now,

                                                                                             Hope to write again soon,

                                                                                             Have a nice day...!

 P.S-  Do write in a comment, whether you  agree or disagree... your comments will be taken sportingly....

ADDICTION

                                            

              The title invariably reminds us of Alcohol, cigarrettes, Drugs and all the probable material stuff that a person can get addicted to. But if we choose to observe carefully, life is full of subtle addictions that can sometimes be more damaging than smoke and booze. I am speaking of an addiction which is equally fatal, if not more, and that is an addiction of people.

                                    Ofcourse, the intensity varies from person to person. It is strikingly evident in cases of broken relationships or even for that matter , in  friendships that didnt work out. sometimes, people just fall apart for no apparent reason. Some of us are able to move on very easily after the initial jerks but for some, it is a daunting task indeed. I have come across people who take the 'parting of ways' as a natural course of a relationship and move on, sooner than expected. And I have also seen people who have an exceedingly long mourning period. According to me, both are abnormal. The former denotes that the person was never really participating in that relationship with his heart and soul and the latter shows that the person is so Head over Heels that every feeling, every emotion of his life is invariably connected with a single individual. As if, nothing else matters to him in life. Which is bullshit......

                                          The grief comes from losing a person but more importantly it comes from the fact that we are suddenly thrown out of our comfort zone. All of a sudden, you realise that now there is no one who can anticipate your every move, your every mood. We are inadvertantly addicted to such a person who can read our mind, follow our thoughts and accompany us through the difficult terrain of life. and its not neccessary that the person should be able to do all this. A recent event made me realise that love is not when we like a person because he/she is good, true love is when you know that the person has some bad qualities and inspite of that fact you like him/her, irrespective of what the world says. Whatever the reason, when this beautiful world of fantasy is struck by the stone of reality, everything comes crashing down, and then starts the withdrawal period.

                                                When we get addicted to someone, we end up giving him the ultimate power to destroy us. I wonder whether it is even possible to be disconnected and still maintain a relationship. I mean, to be with a perso and still not get addicted to him/her. For that, you need to be an exceptionally evolved human being or a highly ignorant person. To maintain that kind of distance is especially difficult for people who have extremes of personality, meaning that if these people love, they'll do it with whole of their heart and soul and if they hate, they'll hate with every ounce of guts they have. No middle ground.

                                                But if you ask me, why to unnecessarily fall into this addiction crap? cant we just skip the ugly stuff and enjoy every moment as it comes? Maybe the answer is that simple. Being a coffee addict myself, I can tell you that if someone asks me to consume only 2 cups instead of the usual 5, I'll definitely go into withdrawal...! Similarly, a baby doesnt know how much sugar is sweet and how much is less sweet. We are responsible for formulating our perceptions. It is for us to decide how much is too much. We have to draw a line somewhere.

                                                   Then there is also the fact that people change, their priorities change. You cannot possibly expect that you will have the topmost priority in someone's life all the time. We have this irrational belief and groundless hope that nothing will ever change. The emotion you feel towards a person is dependant on the perceptions you hold at that point of time. Then, invariably there is anger, frustration and desperation if your feelings are not reciprocated by the other person.

                                             All that said and done, its human to expect. We all have a certain degree of expectations from people and from situations. It needs immense amount of self control not to fall into this addiction trap. Everybody knows the adverse effects of smoking and alcohol still people indulge into it. Same way, we all know that it is not a good idea to get addicted to someone but still we cant help it....!!!!!!!!!

 All that I am saying is-- there should be some moderation.